Lyric theatre, London. (Sang like Europe) "It's the final Lyriiiic"

It's fucking typical that the final show before Christmas would start as a stress fest for me. 

The predicament I had was having to collect the drums, after pull down and traipsing my way to Wimbeldon and back in time so that they're not left on the pavement in the rain for me. As it was the last one, as soon as it could be achieved, everyone was going to be scuttling off across London in separate directions after pull down. I was never going to be able to set the drums down, get my car and back before this. I didn't manage last time but it wasn't so bad as I had Matt and Da looking after the drums on the side of the street until I arrived. Not today! I had to devise a new plan. 

This consised of parking the car a lot closer to the theatre but still outside the congestion zone. As parking inside that inner sanctum is upto and over £35 for a day!! Fucking London and its ripoff culture. 

Soon to come:

Actually entering the congestion by foot - £2 per person

Talking in public - £5 per day upto 5 people - £1 per every extra one thereafter. 

Breathing that lovely London air - £3.50 per person per day. 

Prices are subject to change without prior notice you fucking mugs. 

Maybe. 

Anyway, a mate of mine suggested an industrial park just outside because "it's free all day and you won't get booked or clamped" Not according to the fucking signs mate! This was after I had got there. I drove around for ages and ages trying to find exactly where "free all day and you won't get clamped or booked" was. After lots of swearing, I eventually struck a deal with a guy who assured me I'd be okay to park outside his unit for the day. I assured him it would only be for today. He seemed cool and I walked away hoping I'd come back to it later and it won't have been impounded. 

The 1.5 mile walk to the nearest tube followed and the the journey to Piccadilly Circus. The Piccadilly Circus of horrors. 

When I arrived I was an hour and a half late, but 30 minutes in time for the build up. No one questioned me, in particular Haze. He did enquire about my parking arrangement which I explained my hassle. No more was said. 

And so it was down to build up, in the pissing rain. What a way to go out on. I took enough pa stuff in as to get starting with routing power and got on with it. We were done in just over two hours which was nice! 

The posse Angelow (chris, Claire, Suzanne, Rhian) were up for this show as it was Suzanne birthday and they'd figure a trip up the smog to see a west end show, a great way to see in her 40th. I spent mine in Gendros, I wished I'd thought a little bit bigger on times. 

The show went really well, probably the best I think the band sounded and played. Though I did lose the top of my stool, between the Birmingham show and this one, which wasn't so good. I sneaked behind into the thriller set to borrow one of the stools that band use hoping no one would notice. THEY DID! And I expect that Haze will get a letter/email of complaint soon who will then come to me about it. 

The pull down was fast, though we all got soaked, and we got out of the theatre in the nick of time. One minute over and the show would be charged £300 for extra staff hours. Even though that extra staff generally don't do a fucking thing to help. They just stand/sit around occasionally saying we can't do something or other. Again, fucking rip off London!!! 

I decided to leave the drums in the lorry and collect them on the way home from Southampton the following afternoon. I was going there to visit Dee who was in on the Arcadia for the day and would be travelling via Swindon home that night. By luck, the truck is stored there all over Christmas. 

And that's pretty much how it all went down mother fuckers. 

Hope you enjoyed reading this tour blog as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

See you all in January for London After Midnight tour part 2....

Anyone?

Birmingham Start city in the Moscow State Circus big top

Having got up and bummed a fag off one of the travelodge staff, we were on our way. 

After an hour or so we were there. It looked the same size tent as Gerry Cottle's but once in there, oh my it was pretty apparent it was on a different scale. 

We used their band stand instead of ours. It's well constructed and went together pretty easy but after a glance, it was gonna be a right royal pain in the arse area getting the keys and drums up to the platform and then setting them up. And then to have to strip it all and bring down afterwards. But with a little three man organisation, it was achieved. But it was still a royal king size pain in the arse. 

It also wabbled like fuck too when I was playing. Also worsened by professors rocking back and forth! 

Again I didn't get a lunch break! I did manage to grab me a Subway when I had a minute. 

Meanwhile, somewhere else, the rest of the band were enjoying oriental buffet and a spot of 10 pin blowing for dinner. 

Moscow State Circus (Of Horrors) 
Behind the TVs is where you'd find me and professor come show time. 

Forward of the ringside. You may not get a feel for the size by mark my words, it's fucking BIG!!!

After the meeting and sound check, I tried to find a pub. I didn't but this was after wandering around with my phone out-stretched, following googlemaps. That's the second time in a week it's sent me somewhere that didnt exist. So I came back and got stuck into my vodka with a couple of diet cokes I got from a mcdonalds. 

Our dressing room was a tent, most of us were packed in there getting ready, myself with my bottle of diet coke (with an amount of vodka in it) until show time. 

Again, another well sold show. The figures estimate over 800 so we were looking forward to ripping it up tent stylee. 

Parking Patawayo got me again! And Stephanie Randelle got nailed too. And by which I mean, she got a ticket. Not what you were thinking!!!

HUBBA HUBBA!!!

Like I thought, packing the kit was a bastard. I figured it would be quicker to throw stuff off the top on to the bed prop to save time. 

It did too! 

Unfortunately not everything could have followed that path. Prof's keys were way to heavy for someone to catch on the rebound. Plus I don't think the keys themselves would have survived even the mattress from that hight. 

Packed down and still pissed off (about another ticket) it was off to London to drop off Prof and then make our merry way to Croydon for the last time before Christmas in lieu of the last Lyric show, and show in general for 2013. 

I was so fucked by the time I got to oxford that I simply had to just pull into a services to get 40 wanks. 

I mean winks!!!

After what I thought was 5 - 10 minutes of nap time, I started up the car and headed off. After looking at the clock it was revealed that I'd stopped for over an hour. 

What a difference it made, I drove away feeling absolutely fine. Helped along by a Starbucks professor so very kindly bought me as a thank you for taking him home. 

As he would say all too often but without the hint of sarcasm, 

"YOU'RE WELCOME!"

Bristol temple quay (in Gerry Cottle's circus tent)

Tonight's show will mark as my debut into a circus tent. 

Oh, wait.. I forgot about Waken 2010 with this show. 

Scrap what I was about to say. 

Today marks the second time I'll be playing in a tent. 

Hang on, we did 2 shows in Waken. 

Fuck, okay. 

Tonight's show is a break from the norm of theatres and town halls etc, we are in a Circus tent. The circus of horrors in a circus tent, who'd have thought? 

Well the people that booked us, that's who! It was an addition as the original toe dates didn't have this one on the schedule. Then it was discussed a week ago and then I thought, "hang on, what what what?!?" I only took a gig in at home a month ago didn't it. So I had to quickly tell that band I was unavailable and hopefully they'd not be too pissed. 

We got here at 10:15 am. But wasn't able to begin setting up until after 12:00 because of some Tv, and I don't mean transvestite, stuff that was going on with Gerey Cottle's circus in the morning. Suffice as to say, I was thinking of the couple of more hours in bed I could have had. Still, at least we were all here to start when we could have. 

Being in a tent proves a lot of challenges to do a show which has been plotted out for theatres stages. A rearrangement of the band was the biggest one, pa positioning and monitors another. I guess there were many others but not being directly involved in that I cannot comment. I know we had to rehearse the bringing on and taking off of props from different directions from theatre stages, so I suppose as far as the show was concerned, that was a the biggest of things to be concerned about. As for me, I plays the drums and set the pa up (albeit with a bit of head scratching) and I was done. 

Us in Gerry Cottle's tent. 

I spent most of the build up in a puddle. The drum riser was placed in a dip where a fuck load of water had collected over the few nights. After a while I felt like this:

A bit like me. But without the holding of the dick and pissing bit. 

Time was not on my side and so I didn't get out for lunch before meeting. But that was okay, somedays it's like that so there's no point moaning about it. 

Like I said, the meeting was held (an hour earlier) to discuss the rearrangement of show stuff. 

After an hour it was soundcheck time. And I was quite shocked how reverberant  a tent is. It's almost as much as some of these town halls we play with stone walls and such. All fx was muted to try and clean up vocals. But nothing I did made it so, it sounded like a massive spring reverb was inserted into the master mix. 

Not giving that much of a fuck, I just went with it. 

Prior to the show, the band and I went for a beer in a bar/cabin type thing which had seemingly been erected for Gerry's circus starting a few days later. I might be wrong, but I did have a feel of being thrown up fasto! The band were in full costume and normally this would raise eyebrows but not today as the bar was occupied by other such like dressed individuals coming to see the show. I presume anyway, perhaps they were just normal folk dressed as they would on any other day. 

The show was well sold and the atmosphere was pretty electric. Show went well and I came away having enjoyed playing in a tent looking forward to the short drive into Wales..... And then back again to get to Severn View services travelodge which was situated on the westbound carriage way. 

Fucking google maps doesn't route the service bridge does it? It wasn't I saw the tolls that I realised what was happening. 

I got Da to text someone in the minibus to warn of my error and to not make the same one themselves. Thus saving Haze £12 or something. 

I'm all heart me. 

Lyric show 7

After a mental weekend of gigs that took me to Bognor Regis, Minehead and Treboeth (an area of Swansea) via LLANELLI!!!.... It was time to cart mine and the Angelow's hairy and smelly arses back up the smog. I've seen more of the m4 than a hitchhiker with a particular craving for jellied eels... Whatever that means. Basically, I've seen A LOT of it and today was gonna be more of the same. 

7:30 was when I arrived at casa de Angelow and Matt was up and ready to leave bang on time. I had a tight schedule to meet the truck at Heston services to off load all our shit so there was no margin for fucking about. 

DA was gonna travel up by train as he had a prior engagement. 

The little shit only sent a text later on in the journey saying he'd blagged himself a first class seat. So it was champagne and caviar for him while Matt and I slummed it in my car up the M4 with Gingsters sarnies and cans of Relentless carrying HIS shit... And ours too of course! Hope you joke on your complimantaries there DA!

DA in first class, yesterday. 

We met with the truck with no time to spare. I couldn't have planned it better if I was Hanibal Smith. 

Hanibal Smith, he loves it he does! I mean, when a plan comes together. 

With Costell in my car also, we negated our way to Wimbeldon to park the car outside Haze's and tube it to Shaftesbury  avenue. 

En route it was revealed to us that where our gear was placed in the back of the truck caused MAJOR FUCKING PROBLEMS (OH MY) to getting out the fake wheel clamps.

Tough shit! There was nowhere else to put it so fucking deal with it!

Sergei, having seen a shit load of band gear near the door automatically thought that there'd been a tumble in transit. 

Just thought I'd mention it. Suppose that's not really that funny is it? You'd have to have been there!

Build up was done in super fast time and I would have been in the lyric pub just outside stage door if I'd been for the fact I'd had left my PSU for my 2box brain at home.

The 2box drumit five brain that for whatever reason runs on AC and not DC power!

A frantic rush to find and electrical store where they'd stock an AC adaptor was conducted. 

Maplin, you savior for plights such as this. But why do you insist on employing nerds and fans of Dr Who/Dungeons and Dragons/World Of Warcraft? The like who's only female sexual experiences is limited to left-handed-websites. 

This was the first hit on a "Maplin's employee" search in Google, no shit!! 

EXTERMINATE!!!

I bet the RS components catalogue gives these geeks semis. 

Oooh.... You SLUT!!!

Anyway, thank you! 

*Nerdy sound alert spoiler*

I did have a contingency plan already formulated in the event that an AC PSU wasn't found before soundcheck. That was to use channel 1 for kick, 2 for snare and the over heads as normal but instead of rolling them off at 300 hz and panning them 9 and 3 o'clock, roll off at 75hz and dip the high shelve at about 6khz to a gradual 3db per octave, depending on how that sounded of course. The idea being to pick more tom toms than cymbals. I've mic'd a kit like this once before and it worked fine. 

But I didn't need to, I found an AC PSU. I also didn't need to bore you with all that fucking bollocks too did I?

Not just that. It turns out that one of my Ddrum triggers, which have been systematically failing, was unusable unless repaired. So out came the soldering iron and my temper. 

As you can probably see, both primary and secondary transducers had broken. The boast about rugged housing and professional connections but the core element is as upto the task as a bolsa wood rollercoaster ride. 

A stern email was sent during the meeting. It wasn't polite!!!

Thankfully with the stress of the PSU and the fucked trigger, soundcheck was easy. 

A quick pint in the lyric and it was show time. My mate Pete (who I gig in the blur tribute band with sometimes) came to the show. I got him in 2 minutes before curtain up. I could have changed into my gig clothes faster if they were a onesie!!!

Show went well, I played pretty sloppy on times, aaaargh, pull down!

Long ass drive back to Wales. I didn't get in until 5:00 where I looked and felt like this. 

Lyric Theatre show 6 post build up

After finishing the build up in pretty fast time, I managed to get out of the theatre for something to eat, as I'd not eaten in the afternoon with the band but rather opted for a large Pironi. 

Jonnie James, my old ship band mate and one time dep on the circus of horrors last year was about so I met up with him and invited him into the meeting where everyone was very happy to see him. The meeting was conducted fast, some tosh about next week's travel arrangements was discussed and it was straight into the soundcheck. 

Thankfully we were not burdened with the hassle we had yesterday in Gravesend and so it went fast. I did however decide to make a makeshift stand for the electric pad that I had taken the stand for back home having not thought it out that well. I did try to not use the pad in Gravesend but for the most part it okay. But the song (which name escapes me right now, not bad.. it's only been 5 weeks on the road) which I use the loop for sounded so empty without it that I was gonna try anything to mount the pad so I could fire it. 

This is what my genius of a mind came up with. 

Basically, it's my drum pedal case with LX tape... That's pretty basic. But it worked a fucking charm. I wonder now why I bothered with a stand at all. 

Pre-show, Jonnie and I went for a beer in a nearby pub where he said the musos from Dirty Dancing come regularly as their sort of local (to the theatre they're in anyway) None showed up on this occasion.  As John Blackburn was also coming to the show with Jonnie (another respected drummer) I didn't want to drink to much as I wanted to be on top of my game for the show. I was, kinda. Only my inner demons prevented me from playing as well as I think I can. 

Still, I think I played okay in the grand scheme of things which is always good. 

There seemed to be a lot more in this week than other weeks, they had the circle and gallery open, though sparsely attended. I think they were a decent crowd too, lots of squirming and looking away going on which is a decent sign that people are being repulsed with what's going on stage-side. 

During the interval, I met again with Jonnie, and also John Blackburn, for a quick drink across the road in a lovely, but very small, pub called The Lyric. 10 or more people inside and you're walking about the place, to the shitter or whatever making crab impressions and such like. 

Back to the theatre it was time for second half and then the pull down.

As I was taking Da and Matt home to Swansea, I had to set the kit down fast, repeatedly tell people not to take any of it to the truck, because I was going home, and set off to Wimbledon to pick up my car. 

I got back there about an hour and 20 minutes late to find that everyone had fucked off, the truck, the whole cast leaving Matt, Da and a fuck load of shit to cram into my car at the stage door. 

With is crammed to fuck (miracle it all got in) they playfully informed me of a game they were playing to pass the time. As the Lyric theatre is situated next to a strip club, the game was to guess who was going inside before they were near, and out of them, which ones would be refused entry. I don't know what was the points system or what, if any, was the prize. Nor for that matter, which one of them won. 

Apparently, anyone female and white accompanied with anyone male and black, went in, barr none! At least during the time they were sat with all of our shit waiting for me. 

The drive home was generally okay but my god, what is it with London and pointless road works and road closures at the moment? Seriously, I drove past, and was diverted as a result most the time, at least 10 sets of road work where there was about a mile of cones, 2 lanes closed to find toward the end of it, about 3 guys digging a hole, and that's if there was anyone doing any work at all! A little bit of over kill don't you think?

En route to Swansea Da recited countless Profanisaurus entries keeping us all amused. And then slept for the most of it having sunk enough Ale to shame Father Jack. Sadly, Matt's ass didn't sleep or even take a break. He was polite though, every time a window was lowered with no warning or explanation, you'd hear him say, "Sorry!" and genuinely sound like he meant it every time. 

I dropped them off at 3:30 and got home myself about 3:45, got into bed by 4:00 and polished off my vodka. I think I was asleep by 5:00 I think?

Last night at the Lyric. I am there, honest!

Lyric show 6 pre build up.

Well today started shit! After waking and walking a mile to collect the car, taking to the travelodge and putting a ticket on it, the max you could (2 hours) I still got a fucking ticket from Parky Pataweayo (A character from the Harry and Paul tv show) 

My own fault though. I went to get a sandwich (because I was bastard starving) and the woman in Gregg's worked at 2 speeds. Slow and stop! Suffice as to say when I got back to the car, the ticket was being made. Parky was nice though and not a smug arrogant cunt like you'd expect, "I'm sorry sir, I've already printed it!" And he seemed genuine in his sympathy for me. 

That's a lovely £40 gone. All because of a fucking slow cow who was as confused with a cash register as Doris, the Alzheimer's sufferrer at any old peoples home.. somewhere, with a laptop computer trying to boil an egg. 

Right, one ham roll, one coffee... £4.75 er, she's given me a £10 note... So.... That's... Er, £76.25 change?!? 

No, nothing to do with me at all, it was all her! Yes siree!

After that I took my car to Haze's, 15 minutes behind schedule and was greeted by what I can only describe as a round man at Haze's door. I'm not shitting you, you could roll this fucker about the place and it would be like one of them balls you see kids in on lakes in theme parks and shit. I wouldn't normally take the piss out of something like that if it wasn't for the following. 

"Your late!" It quipped. Who's this fat cunt to talk to me like that? I've ever met him before, and I'd remember! Still I was polite and thought of the bigger picture: this guy is waiting for me to give me a parking permit for the day and is probably someone important to Haze... So don't even think about calling him what a dog wouldn't lick Steve! And I didn't. But this did further my mood!

The dude at Haze's... Sort of. 

I felt like Mike Strutter after taking some of his Viaggro pills. 

"Spill my drink will you? You mother fucker!!!" 

Then it was off to South Wimbeldon tube station to make my way to Piccadilly Circus. I was already pre empting the "where have you been?!" scenarios in my head. 

Gravesend - woodville halls

Thank fuck we didn't have to load in until 2:00 pm. After getting in from Brecon last night I hardly slept. Again with the sleep hassle, and I was in my own bed too! 

I got to Matt and Da's at the scheduled time and set off after a quick fag and chat with Chris and Claire (their mam and dad) who'd come to the show last night. 

The air inside the car en route to gravesend was turned from a refreshing Sunday inhale to a violent wretch frequently on account of Matt's ass, which was single handedly making it thicker than a Jamaicans dick. 

Not wanting to be left out, I added my own unique flavour late on. 

We got there 25 minutes late...

DUN DUN DAAAAAAANN!!

The crime of it! 

Show still got built up in record time of 2:15 minutes. I was off out of there fast as fuck to avoid someone who'd bore me more than a book of Victorian Railing designs. 

Back at the theatre soundcheck was about as easy as resiting the Russian alphabet backwards whilst walking a tight rope. It was harder than a Kenyan's dick on ladies night. 

I don't know for sure what the issue was, probably the fact their pa was REALY hot and therefore causing all sorta of feedback. I fiddled with monitor mixes eq, channel eq. I was scratching my head for a lot of it but eventually got it somewhere near okay. Fuck, I hate it when these days happen!

Due to the prolonged soundcheck, there was no pub time prior to the show. 

Just before show, vitali found a costume in the dressing room and just had to put it on. 

Here's the proof. 

As for the show, it went okay but during pull down I heard Haze talk about things that went wrong. Nothing to do with the band or music so gave a fuck I did not!

Well a little... But nothing that I could do anything about. 

It was nice to be driving away in my car and not have to slum it, like I had been this last five weeks, in one of the mini busses with the rest of the riff raff. 

Riff raff

We got into Croydon travelodge waaaaay before anyone else and got stuck into the bar. 

As it was the last time we'd have a chance this side of Christmas, it would be rude not to wouldn't it?

Another Lyric appearance tomorrow. 

Theatr Brychllychllchll(phlegm)chlllchllliog - Brecon

Not sure what is up with me recently. No matter how much and how well I sleep, I'm still left with a dose of feeling fuckness the following day. And today was no exception. 

Clayton, whom I'm rooming with at the moment (someone's idea of a fucking laugh I expect) was up at the crack of dawn but was in the room sporadically emitting the odd "click" of a mouse. Probably fixated with his gore websites that he seems to spend hours gawking at. A portion of gross for breakfast is it Clayton? 

Should I be worried?

The drive up to Brecon was lovely and the scene of the valleys en route was likened to a scene from lord of the rings. By which I mean Rivendell or Rohan but not Mordor!!! 

For that one would have to go to blaen y maes in Swansea! 

Rohan

Rivendell

Mordor. Or blaen y maes. 

The theatre itself is a weird one. The stage area is larger than the auditorium. Swansea grand theatre is about equal from stage to auditorium but this one is bigger. No idea why! But it does make build up very quick and simple as we load directly into the stage. 

I was meant to be travelling back after build up to get my car thanks to Mongy who had his. But after build up... no mongy. 

I sent a text to Haze saying, "no mongy, no me getting my car!" but I also suggested I could go home with the family Angelow who'd come to see Matt and Da play and drive up tomorrow. He didn't reply to either text. 

He did however reply to, "Preston North end are 1 - 0 up!" with, "GOOD!"

Priorities Dr Haze!!!

Dinner was instead had in a nearby pub where £12 worth of food made me about as full as a single marshmallow would to Billy Bunter. 

Billy Bunter

 

A single marahmallow 

Me!... Well sort of. 

... Which is what THIS made me feel like after eating it. 

So out came the cash again and I bought more food and another pint in the hope I'll feel more fulfilled afterwards.

Needless to say with the various jagger bombs and the couple of pints, I felt fulfilled. 

I rolled back for the meeting and sound check. Nothihg new to report except Haze wanted more of himself through the monitors. I turned him up and saw the compression light on the band stand monitors glow everything he opened his mouth. He seemed happy with it though so I said fuck all. He is deaf I'm sure!!

The band had family come to see the show and Da's fiancé was here also so they all went off to the pub before the show, I went for a sleep. 

Haha who's the rock and roll one now eh?

The show went up and despite the talk of it not being sold that well coming up there was a decent sized crowd. I couldn't pick out da and Matt's family but I did see Clive Jackson, aka The Doctor from The medics' fucking face standing out at the back like the fucking Eiffel Tower. 

That fucking face WOULD stand out wouldn't it?

We played pretty well and there were no fuck ups, even though the band were quite shit faced. Well Professor and Da were, I think Matt was pretty compus mentus. As was I... 

After the bollocks up of me NOT getting my car this afternoon thanks to NO MONGY, a new plan was formulated. 

After the pull down, we all crammed into the two cars that Da and Matt's family and friends came in. It was a squash and no messing with us all, and some of drums, as I'm trying to streamline in lieu of coming home with the boys next week, in two cars. It kinda reminded me of the Guinness book of records of how many dwarves can be crammed into a mini.. Or some shit like that. 

Shit loads of people in a car somewhere. Something like how it was tonight. 

The plan for tomorrow, well tonight first as I have a date with a bottle of Vodka and coke, is the long ass drive to gravesend which according to the god of google (all praise him) will be about 4 hours. 

Thank The Lord of Fuck that we cannot build up until 2:00 pm. So that means we won't be leaving until 10:00 where I'll get a lovely sleep before hand. 

With a couple a sessions of 5 against 1 I hasten to add!! 

:)

Cheltenham Town Hall... Er, Cheltenham!

The day after the day off the night before...

Fucking hell, how welsh does that sound? I've said some brahmers in my time but that's topping it. Well what do you think? Here's a list of some of them. 

"Can you bend this straight?" (Said to Capt Blackheart on the 2004/05 tour) 

"I'm up for sitting down!" (Said while in Ireland on the 2003 tour)

"Cripples walk around in wheelchairs" (said to Andy Higgins on the 2011 tour) 

 Why is it they're all said on tour?

Anyway, after half a bottle of vodka last night in the travelodge, I slept pretty darn well! Though from about 5:30 I was restless and tossed and turned for several hours before having to get up. More the tossing than turning I hasten to add. 

The other bus was off to so some promotion in Bristol while we all crammed into the other van, also carrying a massive TV that has eventually come back from repair (yes Dee, THAT TV!) Andy wasn't looking in the best of moods. Worsened when we all gave him shit about being 15 minutes late. He made some excuse about being told the wrong time. Bullshit, I was there when he was told. Which was exactly why "dunno!" was his reply when I asked him, "who told you 11:15?" 

To which I then quipped, "no one did, it didn't happen!" 

After suffering Costell's bizarre version of how to drive a mini bus to a destination, it was build up time. 

The last time I was here was probably 2010. The same gothy tech dude was here and so was the petty crappy in house pa. 

It was half band stand time again and I looked forward to fucking about with a tiny kit, trying my best to get it on, with me behind it, to a fashion that I could play with little or no bother. 

I finished everything I needed to do with the pa and the drums around 4:00 and I figured I had about 30 minutes to get my cheque in. 

Clayton tried tagging along with me but I was having none, I was flying off like Scott of the Antarctic!

After I paid my cheque in I saw I had indeed lost him. 

I was wondering around looking for somewhere to eat when the other mini bus passed with Haze driving, in full make up, which was a funny as fuck sight when I considered how it would have looked to a random run of the mill bastard walking along. 

Walking back to the venue was a sublime experience as it was the first town this side of Christmas that actually looked Christmassy. 

See?

I also passed a bar called Circus Bar and the urge to run back there to have a beer after meeting and soundcheck was stirring. 

Circus bar where a person didn't serve you while on a tight rope... Or something. 

I didn't, we ended up going to a whetherspoons. Just for a change!

The meeting was eventless, as was more or less the sound check. Some tweaks to people's monitors here and there and it was off to the pub again where professor, da, Matt and I would embark on a systematic piss take of various people on the tour. 

Okay... It was the one person! 

The show was really well sold and there was a great atmosphere. We all generally played well but being stuck on that tiny kit balancing precariously on a flight case as to get me to drum kit level, I wasn't at my best. 

The pull down was a little slower then it's been, I have no idea why. But it was about 25 minutes slower. 

We was all in the vans in enough time for me to look up, and then get second-guessed, direction to Merthyr Tydfil, where we were staying. 

Which is incidentally where in writing this. 

Civic Hall - Greys.

Greys eh? It fucking was too today! Winter is defo more prevelant than in other places. I woke to find an ice cube down my pants. So I picked it up and threw it at the electric fire in the corner where it made a "fart" sound!

(Crap joke) 

It's been about 3 or 4 years since I've been here with the show and it's not changed at all. While Sean was maneuvering the truck around the back I saw a sneaky opportunity to sly off and get some breakfast in the cafe situated in the same building. 

Back to build up, it was business as usual. All of us clambering over each other with a general sense of "my shit's more important than yours!" 

John was on hand today bring replacement boxes and taking the duff ones back with him. So it was the first time since Middlesbrough that we had a full strength pa with no work-rounds. Which was nice! Still lacking some decent covers for speakers though so I can expect to see these new ones in a state in no time.

I did manage to get off to lunch in decent time. It was a pub just across the road. I made my usual fucking off through the door as to lot get followed by anyone I chose not to hang with. 

Needless to say, they walked through the door some minutes after me. 

I sat and ate with the band and traded piss taking stories until it was time to get our arses back to the venue to have the meeting, spundcheck and show. 

For shits and giggles, we arranged vitali's clothes on the floor with his zombie mask. It made us laugh at the time but as of now, it probably doesn't come across that funny. 

Also, dressed up Vitali in Costell's clothes and called him "son of papa FUCK SAKE!" Which is something Costell says A LOT!

Son of papa fuck sake. 

It was The Mongolian Laughing Boy's first show after taking over from Danny, who'd gone off to start panto. Probably Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Just a guess!!!

Mongy's act has lost not of it's shock and after he turned around after the pins through the cheek bit to show all the blood, actual blood, not that fake shit, pouring down his face and chest, I almost gagged myself. 

Mongy

Apparently quite a few walked out holding their mouths. 

Haze rowed like fuck with one of the I house crew over bringing house lights up early. I didn't quite catch it but it was heated. 

Heated!!!

Pull down, off to London to drop everyone off before getting to the travelodge in tolworth and looking forward to the long lay in before we travel on to the next travelodge. 

We've had a day off, the a show, then a day off, then a show then another day off. It's broken up the flow but it's been great for me having to just laze about until midday. And tomorrow I had my first class seat on the lazy fuckers bus well booked. 

Lyric show five

And here we are again, the lyric. It's getting a little boring now. Sorry to moan, but it's like Groundhog Day. 

Says the guy the spent 6 years on a holiday park, 5 years resident in Abu Dhabi and 3 years on a ship. 

Not a hypocrite at all. 

The usual of making the lorry look like it's been booked by wardens to fuck, we all scuttled off for lunch. This occasion we scarpered fast as to avoid the company of one boring cunt on the tour. Not naming names...

On this instance it was some Japanese place that really could have spent a few quid getting someone professional to make the logo and not one of their kids. 

You be the judge. 

The food was nice so I'll not complain about that. 

Back at the theatre, it was build up at normal. More routine than it had been and we were done by 4. 

Clive, singer from doctor and the medics and my old show mate from Route 66 a few years back, made an appreance. So it would have been rude to not go for a pint with him. And I didn't. I mean, I didn't NOT go for a pint with him. 

Clive Jackson. Aka Doctor from the medics. 

My friend Wendy and her son were coming to the show but as comps were tight, I bought them tickets. 

I went for a quick drink with them pre show and had a quick sleep after. 

I was awoken by Matt's foot with a "it's 28 mins past man!" Shit I had 2 minutes to get ready. 

Challenge accepted and I was on the drums with no seconds to spare!!!

She and her son loved the show! Makes you realise how it comes across to non circus eyes, being that I've seen all sorts of versions of it since 2002. 

After the pull down, and instead of me and haze getting vans and coming back to collect everyone, we all headed back to haze's to jump in the vans and get to the travelodge instead. 

By the time I got in, which was at "for fuck sake o'clock!" I was fucked and couldn't give a shit about anything. 

I did have a room to myself so a couple of sessions of self abuse was conducted and it was beddybyes. 

Castle theatre - Wellingborough

Fuck me sideways, was Haze in a bad mood today. I didn't quite get it immediately but over hearing conversations he was having in the van I got it. It was also a give-away that while I was sleeping (or trying to) he was muttering under his breath at people sharing the carriageway en route to Wellingborough things like, "come on, pull out... Arsehole!" "Come on, over take... CUNT!!" Etc which is something that is very much out of character for Haze. 

Turns out the lorry, the recently bought Lorry, had developed a problem which might mean a right-off. 

I'd be pissed too. 

During build up, everyone was getting it in the neck. Clayton got it about putting a table in the mix position when he should be in the booth as tonight was close to sell out. Costell got it about being 25 minutes late ( but exactly the same time as us... Not hypocritical at all!!) and he was generally in a grouchy mood. 

This is a new theatre and a very nice one, easy load in, decent side stage, shit pa installed so we are gonna be using all of ours. Still with a monitor as a make shit mid high and down a few monitors. But enough to get us through. 

The show was pretty much a sell out and the atmosphere was ace. A big, new crowd, usually means a decent show in terms of reception. 

All the band (except me of course being Stevie cabs) went out on the night out, and got royally fucked up. So they were all feeling bit today. Myself, I had spent the evening with my friend Wendy in crystal palace as I'd not seen her in 3 years, I too got a pissed. But as I had to walk from crystal palace to Croydon by 8:00 to put a ticket on the van and then drive from 10:00, I didn't sleep much, worrying about oversleeping. 

By the way, this is the route by foot

4.6 miles!!!! By fucking foot. If only I'd have done this route planner the night before I'd have booked a taxi. 

En route to Croydon I realise how long it was gonna take, called one of the guys at the travelodge to put a ticket on the van and trudged on. 

I decided to book a taxi. 

I called one where I was greeted by a course cunt on the other end who replied with things like, "eh?" And "wha'?!?" When I said things like, "oh hello, could I please order a taxi for straight away please?" I got short, quite quickly and just screamed down the phone, "Just fuck off you rude cunt!!" 

So I walked all the way. 

By the time I got there, my feet were in tatters. And I still had to drive. 

I digress somewhat. After all this, we felt energised pre show. Here's the proof. 

Yeah, buzzing as fuck!!

As a bit of comedy, I took out some of the props like this. 

Oh, it's such a laugh on this tour. Oh, god. Clowns all of us. 

Pull down, drive to lodge. 

Blah fucking blah.