Theatr Brychllychllchll(phlegm)chlllchllliog - Brecon

Not sure what is up with me recently. No matter how much and how well I sleep, I'm still left with a dose of feeling fuckness the following day. And today was no exception. 

Clayton, whom I'm rooming with at the moment (someone's idea of a fucking laugh I expect) was up at the crack of dawn but was in the room sporadically emitting the odd "click" of a mouse. Probably fixated with his gore websites that he seems to spend hours gawking at. A portion of gross for breakfast is it Clayton? 

Should I be worried?

The drive up to Brecon was lovely and the scene of the valleys en route was likened to a scene from lord of the rings. By which I mean Rivendell or Rohan but not Mordor!!! 

For that one would have to go to blaen y maes in Swansea! 

Rohan

Rivendell

Mordor. Or blaen y maes. 

The theatre itself is a weird one. The stage area is larger than the auditorium. Swansea grand theatre is about equal from stage to auditorium but this one is bigger. No idea why! But it does make build up very quick and simple as we load directly into the stage. 

I was meant to be travelling back after build up to get my car thanks to Mongy who had his. But after build up... no mongy. 

I sent a text to Haze saying, "no mongy, no me getting my car!" but I also suggested I could go home with the family Angelow who'd come to see Matt and Da play and drive up tomorrow. He didn't reply to either text. 

He did however reply to, "Preston North end are 1 - 0 up!" with, "GOOD!"

Priorities Dr Haze!!!

Dinner was instead had in a nearby pub where £12 worth of food made me about as full as a single marshmallow would to Billy Bunter. 

Billy Bunter

 

A single marahmallow 

Me!... Well sort of. 

... Which is what THIS made me feel like after eating it. 

So out came the cash again and I bought more food and another pint in the hope I'll feel more fulfilled afterwards.

Needless to say with the various jagger bombs and the couple of pints, I felt fulfilled. 

I rolled back for the meeting and sound check. Nothihg new to report except Haze wanted more of himself through the monitors. I turned him up and saw the compression light on the band stand monitors glow everything he opened his mouth. He seemed happy with it though so I said fuck all. He is deaf I'm sure!!

The band had family come to see the show and Da's fiancé was here also so they all went off to the pub before the show, I went for a sleep. 

Haha who's the rock and roll one now eh?

The show went up and despite the talk of it not being sold that well coming up there was a decent sized crowd. I couldn't pick out da and Matt's family but I did see Clive Jackson, aka The Doctor from The medics' fucking face standing out at the back like the fucking Eiffel Tower. 

That fucking face WOULD stand out wouldn't it?

We played pretty well and there were no fuck ups, even though the band were quite shit faced. Well Professor and Da were, I think Matt was pretty compus mentus. As was I... 

After the bollocks up of me NOT getting my car this afternoon thanks to NO MONGY, a new plan was formulated. 

After the pull down, we all crammed into the two cars that Da and Matt's family and friends came in. It was a squash and no messing with us all, and some of drums, as I'm trying to streamline in lieu of coming home with the boys next week, in two cars. It kinda reminded me of the Guinness book of records of how many dwarves can be crammed into a mini.. Or some shit like that. 

Shit loads of people in a car somewhere. Something like how it was tonight. 

The plan for tomorrow, well tonight first as I have a date with a bottle of Vodka and coke, is the long ass drive to gravesend which according to the god of google (all praise him) will be about 4 hours. 

Thank The Lord of Fuck that we cannot build up until 2:00 pm. So that means we won't be leaving until 10:00 where I'll get a lovely sleep before hand. 

With a couple a sessions of 5 against 1 I hasten to add!! 

:)

Cheltenham Town Hall... Er, Cheltenham!

The day after the day off the night before...

Fucking hell, how welsh does that sound? I've said some brahmers in my time but that's topping it. Well what do you think? Here's a list of some of them. 

"Can you bend this straight?" (Said to Capt Blackheart on the 2004/05 tour) 

"I'm up for sitting down!" (Said while in Ireland on the 2003 tour)

"Cripples walk around in wheelchairs" (said to Andy Higgins on the 2011 tour) 

 Why is it they're all said on tour?

Anyway, after half a bottle of vodka last night in the travelodge, I slept pretty darn well! Though from about 5:30 I was restless and tossed and turned for several hours before having to get up. More the tossing than turning I hasten to add. 

The other bus was off to so some promotion in Bristol while we all crammed into the other van, also carrying a massive TV that has eventually come back from repair (yes Dee, THAT TV!) Andy wasn't looking in the best of moods. Worsened when we all gave him shit about being 15 minutes late. He made some excuse about being told the wrong time. Bullshit, I was there when he was told. Which was exactly why "dunno!" was his reply when I asked him, "who told you 11:15?" 

To which I then quipped, "no one did, it didn't happen!" 

After suffering Costell's bizarre version of how to drive a mini bus to a destination, it was build up time. 

The last time I was here was probably 2010. The same gothy tech dude was here and so was the petty crappy in house pa. 

It was half band stand time again and I looked forward to fucking about with a tiny kit, trying my best to get it on, with me behind it, to a fashion that I could play with little or no bother. 

I finished everything I needed to do with the pa and the drums around 4:00 and I figured I had about 30 minutes to get my cheque in. 

Clayton tried tagging along with me but I was having none, I was flying off like Scott of the Antarctic!

After I paid my cheque in I saw I had indeed lost him. 

I was wondering around looking for somewhere to eat when the other mini bus passed with Haze driving, in full make up, which was a funny as fuck sight when I considered how it would have looked to a random run of the mill bastard walking along. 

Walking back to the venue was a sublime experience as it was the first town this side of Christmas that actually looked Christmassy. 

See?

I also passed a bar called Circus Bar and the urge to run back there to have a beer after meeting and soundcheck was stirring. 

Circus bar where a person didn't serve you while on a tight rope... Or something. 

I didn't, we ended up going to a whetherspoons. Just for a change!

The meeting was eventless, as was more or less the sound check. Some tweaks to people's monitors here and there and it was off to the pub again where professor, da, Matt and I would embark on a systematic piss take of various people on the tour. 

Okay... It was the one person! 

The show was really well sold and there was a great atmosphere. We all generally played well but being stuck on that tiny kit balancing precariously on a flight case as to get me to drum kit level, I wasn't at my best. 

The pull down was a little slower then it's been, I have no idea why. But it was about 25 minutes slower. 

We was all in the vans in enough time for me to look up, and then get second-guessed, direction to Merthyr Tydfil, where we were staying. 

Which is incidentally where in writing this. 

Civic Hall - Greys.

Greys eh? It fucking was too today! Winter is defo more prevelant than in other places. I woke to find an ice cube down my pants. So I picked it up and threw it at the electric fire in the corner where it made a "fart" sound!

(Crap joke) 

It's been about 3 or 4 years since I've been here with the show and it's not changed at all. While Sean was maneuvering the truck around the back I saw a sneaky opportunity to sly off and get some breakfast in the cafe situated in the same building. 

Back to build up, it was business as usual. All of us clambering over each other with a general sense of "my shit's more important than yours!" 

John was on hand today bring replacement boxes and taking the duff ones back with him. So it was the first time since Middlesbrough that we had a full strength pa with no work-rounds. Which was nice! Still lacking some decent covers for speakers though so I can expect to see these new ones in a state in no time.

I did manage to get off to lunch in decent time. It was a pub just across the road. I made my usual fucking off through the door as to lot get followed by anyone I chose not to hang with. 

Needless to say, they walked through the door some minutes after me. 

I sat and ate with the band and traded piss taking stories until it was time to get our arses back to the venue to have the meeting, spundcheck and show. 

For shits and giggles, we arranged vitali's clothes on the floor with his zombie mask. It made us laugh at the time but as of now, it probably doesn't come across that funny. 

Also, dressed up Vitali in Costell's clothes and called him "son of papa FUCK SAKE!" Which is something Costell says A LOT!

Son of papa fuck sake. 

It was The Mongolian Laughing Boy's first show after taking over from Danny, who'd gone off to start panto. Probably Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Just a guess!!!

Mongy's act has lost not of it's shock and after he turned around after the pins through the cheek bit to show all the blood, actual blood, not that fake shit, pouring down his face and chest, I almost gagged myself. 

Mongy

Apparently quite a few walked out holding their mouths. 

Haze rowed like fuck with one of the I house crew over bringing house lights up early. I didn't quite catch it but it was heated. 

Heated!!!

Pull down, off to London to drop everyone off before getting to the travelodge in tolworth and looking forward to the long lay in before we travel on to the next travelodge. 

We've had a day off, the a show, then a day off, then a show then another day off. It's broken up the flow but it's been great for me having to just laze about until midday. And tomorrow I had my first class seat on the lazy fuckers bus well booked. 

Lyric show five

And here we are again, the lyric. It's getting a little boring now. Sorry to moan, but it's like Groundhog Day. 

Says the guy the spent 6 years on a holiday park, 5 years resident in Abu Dhabi and 3 years on a ship. 

Not a hypocrite at all. 

The usual of making the lorry look like it's been booked by wardens to fuck, we all scuttled off for lunch. This occasion we scarpered fast as to avoid the company of one boring cunt on the tour. Not naming names...

On this instance it was some Japanese place that really could have spent a few quid getting someone professional to make the logo and not one of their kids. 

You be the judge. 

The food was nice so I'll not complain about that. 

Back at the theatre, it was build up at normal. More routine than it had been and we were done by 4. 

Clive, singer from doctor and the medics and my old show mate from Route 66 a few years back, made an appreance. So it would have been rude to not go for a pint with him. And I didn't. I mean, I didn't NOT go for a pint with him. 

Clive Jackson. Aka Doctor from the medics. 

My friend Wendy and her son were coming to the show but as comps were tight, I bought them tickets. 

I went for a quick drink with them pre show and had a quick sleep after. 

I was awoken by Matt's foot with a "it's 28 mins past man!" Shit I had 2 minutes to get ready. 

Challenge accepted and I was on the drums with no seconds to spare!!!

She and her son loved the show! Makes you realise how it comes across to non circus eyes, being that I've seen all sorts of versions of it since 2002. 

After the pull down, and instead of me and haze getting vans and coming back to collect everyone, we all headed back to haze's to jump in the vans and get to the travelodge instead. 

By the time I got in, which was at "for fuck sake o'clock!" I was fucked and couldn't give a shit about anything. 

I did have a room to myself so a couple of sessions of self abuse was conducted and it was beddybyes. 

Castle theatre - Wellingborough

Fuck me sideways, was Haze in a bad mood today. I didn't quite get it immediately but over hearing conversations he was having in the van I got it. It was also a give-away that while I was sleeping (or trying to) he was muttering under his breath at people sharing the carriageway en route to Wellingborough things like, "come on, pull out... Arsehole!" "Come on, over take... CUNT!!" Etc which is something that is very much out of character for Haze. 

Turns out the lorry, the recently bought Lorry, had developed a problem which might mean a right-off. 

I'd be pissed too. 

During build up, everyone was getting it in the neck. Clayton got it about putting a table in the mix position when he should be in the booth as tonight was close to sell out. Costell got it about being 25 minutes late ( but exactly the same time as us... Not hypocritical at all!!) and he was generally in a grouchy mood. 

This is a new theatre and a very nice one, easy load in, decent side stage, shit pa installed so we are gonna be using all of ours. Still with a monitor as a make shit mid high and down a few monitors. But enough to get us through. 

The show was pretty much a sell out and the atmosphere was ace. A big, new crowd, usually means a decent show in terms of reception. 

All the band (except me of course being Stevie cabs) went out on the night out, and got royally fucked up. So they were all feeling bit today. Myself, I had spent the evening with my friend Wendy in crystal palace as I'd not seen her in 3 years, I too got a pissed. But as I had to walk from crystal palace to Croydon by 8:00 to put a ticket on the van and then drive from 10:00, I didn't sleep much, worrying about oversleeping. 

By the way, this is the route by foot

4.6 miles!!!! By fucking foot. If only I'd have done this route planner the night before I'd have booked a taxi. 

En route to Croydon I realise how long it was gonna take, called one of the guys at the travelodge to put a ticket on the van and trudged on. 

I decided to book a taxi. 

I called one where I was greeted by a course cunt on the other end who replied with things like, "eh?" And "wha'?!?" When I said things like, "oh hello, could I please order a taxi for straight away please?" I got short, quite quickly and just screamed down the phone, "Just fuck off you rude cunt!!" 

So I walked all the way. 

By the time I got there, my feet were in tatters. And I still had to drive. 

I digress somewhat. After all this, we felt energised pre show. Here's the proof. 

Yeah, buzzing as fuck!!

As a bit of comedy, I took out some of the props like this. 

Oh, it's such a laugh on this tour. Oh, god. Clowns all of us. 

Pull down, drive to lodge. 

Blah fucking blah. 

Redhill - harlequin theatre

I'm writing this several days later and I'm struggling to find what happened of any significance on this gig. 

All I can remember was that it was a close drive from the travelodge which meant we had a lay in. Or at least it should have if I hadn't been driving the van and therefore having to get up at 8:00 to put a ticket on it. And then worrying about missing the alarm so yeah, I didn't fucking sleep. 

Anyway, we got there for 12:00 as always. And embarked on the ardous task of getting all that shit out of the lorry, into a lift and then onto the stage to set up. 

The crew at first were a little cuntish and being arsey about being on the stage when they were rigging. This is always a bit of a sensitive one but when they bark orders, it puts your back up. And they barked, and backs were up! 

Still, we got set up in more or less normal time. A bit of hassle with pa and the cat5 cable but nothing worth mentioning. 

Clayton and I went to lunch and were hassled by some cunt collecting for some doggy charity. I don't mean to sound horrible but if I were to fall for every line these "professional charity" workers throw at you, I'd end up needing the charity they're fucking selling. I'd be penniless. But Christ, don't it make you feel guilty walking away having said "no" In this case, I walked away imagining a little cute doggy, the like you see on the tins of Mr Dog... Er I mean, Caesar (showing my age a bit there) set adrift on a raft... Which is on fire, in a lake of hungry Piranhas, with a particular taste for Dog. 

A typical small yappy-type dog. Not on a burning raft being eaten by Piranhas... unfortunately. 

All because I didn't sign up for £20 per month for 12 years, for whatever doggie charity it was. 

Anyway, I really cannot remember much else about the gig. Except Da, matt, professor and I went for a beer before the show. They were in costume and were getting some fucked up looks. 

Here's they look like in their costumes....

And collectively 

Can you imagine how this collection of fucked up would look in the usual run of the mill Whetherspoons on a happy hour? 

Then some woman came up and wanted to say how awesome they looked. She asked who we were, one of them replied saying we are the circus of horrors band etc, then she gave them a kiss and a hug type of thing. All the time, I'm stood there being totally overlooked. 

Which is not only normal, but certainly okay with me in this case because she was about the same age as my mother  and as about as skanky as the shite you see on the Jeremy Kyle show. 

Something like the woman that accosted the band in the Witherspoons. 

Show was okay (though not well sold) pull down was slow thanks to the lift. I had to find a make shift box for my drum module, cables and the mixer professor uses because the case that I normally use was taken out, empty and loaded. 

Because it's always empty isn't it? I just like carrying around an empty case, because it's fun and you never know when you're gonna need an empty case. 

I could have done with one now. I had to find an empty box and some packing to make it safe. Or something near. 

Stockport plaza

I was fucking fucked!!! I mean, on the drive into Stockport. I layed against the seat belt and was OUT! Which meant Haze wasn't hassling me, and then questioning my judgement, on direction. No, not today!

I entered the postcode into GOOGLE (oh praise him, oh praise him!) and put the phone on the dashboard. If he get lost, it's his fault. I was having 140 winks! Don't know why I was so tired. I'd slept okay, I think. Maybe it's just the riggers of the tour catching up on me? Am I getting too old to be doing this sort of thing anymore? 

Big questions!!!

Anyway, I was awake to be second guessed directions again, in time for arrival at The plaza. 

It's a lovely old venue, one of years past and you can feel the nostalgia at every point. You know those old cinemas or theatres you see in Humphrey Bogart or 50's movies? 

No?

Okay forget it!!

Here's a picture anyway. 

Stockport plaza in recent times. Suppose the blue car kinda gives that away!

Not recent times. 

And just because I love the inside so much, here's a picture. Do you get what I mean about some places that ooze a feeling of a long forgotten time?

Anyway, I saw the opportunity to run some power and signal cables while they ummed and ah'd about what to do with rigging. 

Unlike last year and the time before that, this was a relatively fast build up. Clayton and I were off for lunch for 3:30, miracle given how long it's been on other tours! 

I was in no mood for company so I made my excuse and fucked off away from him. No offense to him, just didn't want to be tagged along and forcing conversation about the state of the textile industry in the third world.. or something. 

I did find a Barclays and my pay cheque was put in like a mother fucker!

I did try and hook up with a few friends up here, but none were available. Anything to avoid what I don't like about being up this way (nothing to do with place itself I'll add) and friendly faces helped the last time. This was not to be today. 

So I found the 'Spoons and therefore the band, ate and drank beer until it was time to go to meeting.  

They're getting shorter these days which can only mean we are getting more streamlined. A few lighting issues, which Andy had a come back for, always has, were addressed and it was down to sound check. Again, a quick one with no hassle. 

I saw a golden opportunity to do some washing, the hardest part of being on tour. The woman in the venue insisted that she helped me. Like, I don't know how to operate a washing machine?!? Okay, I agreed. 

She only went and put it on a 3 hour wash!!! So by the interval when I was hoping to put it to dry, it was still going. 

This upset micaela, a typical Italian for want of a better term, very hot headed ( some say passionate) and quick to be vocal about things that upset her. No amount of explaining to her that it wasn't me that set it to a 3 hour wash made any difference to her telling me how it has fucked her day royally up! 

You see as well as balancing swords and other shit off a knife, off her face (and I mean literally! Not "fuck she was off her fucking face maaaaaan!") she's also responsible for the washing and drying of all costumes every day. I sympathised with her and told her "to do what she gotta do!"

This entailed stopping the machine mid cycle and me carrying around a suitcase of wet clothes for a day.. Maybe. 

But my clothes were clean as fuck! So at least I has clean but albeit wet clothes. I would have to display them around the travelodge room (which I was sharing with Andy and Clayton) in an attempt to dry them. 

It should be mentioned that we did very well here last year, a storming show with a very good ticket sales. 

Last year!!!

That's all I'll say. 

The pull down was also pretty quick and we were out by 11:00 for the looooong drive back to London. 

Haze and I spoke of UFOs and aliens on the way home. He told me some of his own experiences in Wales. I then told him about what's referred to as the welsh triangle.

http://www.uk-ufo.org/condign/secfilwelsh1.htm

Which kind of coincides with his stories as they would have been around the same time. 

Much like the many many stories you hear of mid western towns in USA, miles from anywhere where mullets, a bigoted religious ethic and cuntry music (I deliberately spelt that wrong) rule the day, it leaves one thinking,

"Why do aliens find interest in redneck and backwater Hicksville?!?"

I love Wales and their Hicks! 

I didn't get in to bed until gone 4:30 am, I was on van duty after I dropped haze, professor and a bunch of others off. Sleep eluded me because I knew I was gonna have to be up in 3 hours, and then again in another 2 to put a ticket on the van. 

Oh the joys of being a nice guy!

Cannock... Some theatre there of a name I can't bastard remember.

Best thing about today? The theatre (of which name escapes me) is only 3 miles away from where we were staying. So we all left about 11:45 and still Haze second guessed my direction which weren't mine but those send from up above by the GOD OF GOOGLE!! Oh praise him, praise be upon him and all his glory!

"You sure it's not left? Stevo?!"

"Ok go left then Haze! See what fucking happens!!" 

Is now how it's starting to go down on the me-navigating-him arrangement. 

Anyway, got to the theatre and had a mosey around to see what kind of effort was gonna be applied today. They had power restrictions, namely 20 amps on a 32 amp trip. Meaning some serious compromises and testing in the afternoon was needed so we wouldn't hit the first note and have a blackout. It's happened before!!! 

As we were unloading, a dude who was delivering for Shoe Zone was getting rather pissy about our lorry manoeuvring about, like he was more important than anyone. That kind of attitude always angers me, the slightest inconvenience to ones daily routine and you'd swear it was the same to them as someone creeping into their house at Christmas and shitting into the Turkey. 

A Christmas Turkey. Probably without the turd inside. 

As the for mentioned issues with power, less lights and a smaller pa were used. It made no difference to me and Clayton, but the lights, and therefor the pull down, should be quicker tonight. 

(They weren't and IT wasn't ... Just thought I'd jump in there and put that one to bed) 

After the build up and met up with da, Matt and professor who'd found, yes you guess it, a whetherspoons. But who am I to criticize? It's good value and wholesome food with great service, warm atmosphere with a plethora or sports to watch as you kill (with the use if the poison of your choice, in my case, Desperados) your Brain cells and thus the remainder of any intellect you thought you had! 

Winner!

Desperados tequila flavoured beer. It was there and beind devoured. She wasn't.... Unfortunately. 

Meeting, show, pull down... Off to lodge for the drive to Stockport tomorrow. The bastard of all load ins on previous tours. The venue is lovely, the load in... Not so much. 

Wrexham, William Aston hall.

So with another Lyric appearance done and dusted, back up north we went. Not just north, but north Wales. Which in previous tours, much like this one, has to be explained that this is as much home to me as is Scotland. They see "Wales" and say, "So Stevo, happy to be home?" What the fuck?!? I've stopped explaining and just started saying, "yeah chuffed as fuck, I get to get home for dinner today and see my mam and dad!"

Situated right next to the Wrexham football stadium, this venue is part of the university. A nice big hall which will be good for Haze as he loves the big convert hall sound. All that mush reverberating about the place, making the general sound as clear as the toilet boil after a night on the Guinness. Must make him nostalgic about the 70's when sound systems were at best, shit! 

Some shit, in a toilet somewhere. 

Or at least I assume as I was too young to know myself not having gone to any gigs until February 13th 1986 to watch Marillion in Cardiff on the misplaced childhood tour. What a gig!!!! 

Anyway...

The usually clambering over each other for a few hours ensued while we build up. Eventually it stated to resemble something looking like the setup we are accustomed too. 

Clayton and I walked into town for something to eat. I did try and meet up with the rest of the show, various phone calls back and forth with me going one direction and then the other, eventually saying, "fuck this!" and just going to wherever I could find that sold food that didn't cost the bank and/or kill me. 

I sat, chewed on my salad and onion rings and wondered why everyone up up here sound like Scousers. 

After I painfully trudged back to the theatre fighting against the freezing cold wind and wondered why the fuck did I not come away with any decent warm clothing this tour.  

Meeting was swift as was sound check. Yeah, Haze loves these big echoey venues. Almost no tweaking was done and it was straight to the pub... The facing student pub. Tucked away behind the football stadium and selling cheap drinks. 

Of course being the sound nerd, I noticed the sound system way before any fanny that was there. The band made this observation of me. I'm sorry, I get turned on by a three way sound system made by JBL more than any scantily clad fucking trunter. So sue me!!!

The show was done, pack down done and so it was off to Cannock for tomorrow show... There. In Cannock, a new place for us. Hopefully more eventful that today's show has been. ... Is a cunt. This has no relevance to today's show, but just wanted to put it out there. 

Lyric theatre, Shaftesbury avenue, show 4

The routine was a bit different this time around as I was elected, so to speak, to drive Sean to where the Lorry was parked on the m25 before heading back to collect the others. 

I hadn't done the mathematics (or math for my American friends) properly because even if we'd left on time

(8:30 am) it would have been 10:30 before I got back to Croydon to collect the others. 

But Sean was late, very late! Totally unlike him to be honest and I was starting to panic a little. Time is of the essence with this particular venue being central London and all. 

Sean eventually rocked up around 9:15 and we were straight off. I figured it best if everyone left with the other van as there was space. I sent the text to all, got a 10 minute phone call which I didn't understand from Micaela, about going with the other van. 

After dropping Sean off and getting to Haze's, having passed everyone heading to the tube en route, we were off ourselves. 

We got there at 12:00, distributed the usual propaganda and went off to lunch. This time is was a pizza place that professor had seen somewhere. It was awesome and the pizzas, which we were sharing I'll add, we're massive. 

Check the size of that cunt.

I meant the pizza!!!!

Usual get in at 2:00 and it was all hands on deck building the show. 

Or at least it should have been.  

Most of the cast were outside filling Asia's attempt to pull a hearse 20 meters, by her fucking HAIR!!!

Which she did in all fairness to her. It hurt like a cunt by all accounts. Don't need to be a doctor to spot that one!!

Asia, hurting like fuck... Monday just gone. 

The show went well and there was the usual set down, get the kit down fast as fuck and the commute to Wimbledon and back to collect the vans, and then the cast. 

Fortinately, we didn't leave sometime behind this time that could have potentially fucked the whole show. 

Which was nice!

Hastings white rock theatre

A fairly long drive to the theatre ensured this morning. Haze all the while asking me to check directions when all I really wanted to do was sleep some more. Seriously, this front seat arrangement I've forged for myself is quickly becoming high on the list of fucking stupid things to agree too. It's most definitely up there with, "I'll help with pa for a little extra per week!" 

Having got there 25 minutes late, an absolute crime punishable by death on the circus of hotties (I tried to type horrors but "hotties" came out so I went with it) I quickly set about building the pa with Clayton. It's a wide room and so the full system, which we'd not used in a while, was used. But as we have a mid/high box with a fault, a spare monitor was put up in its place. Not the perfect arrangement but better than having 2 one side and just the one on the other. 

To my surprise it seemed to balance okay, after a fair bit of fucking about I hasten to add. 

I was hoping to meet up with my very dear friend Wendy Hookway who lives near, but as time rode on it didn't seem like it was gonna be possible. I couldn't be walking about town much anyway as my feet have been torn to shreds by the shoes I wear for the build up (and show too but that's a secret) I reckon these things have been designed by a fucking sadist. In some vain attempt to stop the steel toe bit ripping my toes to ribbons, I rolled several layers of gaffa tape around them. 

I'll say it again, if there's a problem you can't solve with gaffa tape then you're not using enough. 

With my feet hurting, the build up being hard, not meeting my friend Wendy and a few other minor things, I wasn't in the best of moods when it came to eat around 4:00. 

But I did see England lose to New Zealand in Twickenham, so that cheered me up!

Only joking, I though England put on a valiant performance and shouldn't feel bad by being beaten by a very good All Blacks side (when are they ever NOT?!?)

I limped back to the theatre after not fining a drum shop in which to buy sticks and did the sound check. Which was easy enough with not hassles.

There's a sign on the back of the safety Curtain that I though I would share 

Just in care you wanted to argue the point or weren't sure. 

I was busting but as soon I entered I had to leave again. 

Or..

I found a pan full of shit. So I flushed it, had a shit myself, but left it... "As I found it!"

The show and pull down was fine enough    They're getting so routine now that rarely anything happens worthy of a mention. I was on hand to navigate again. 

Fareham ferneham hall

Today was gonna be interesting as all the old band (minus professor of course as he's in the current band) were coming to the show. 

En route I had some chatting back and forth with Sean, the old drummer, about where to find a drum shop that I can get sticks at on a Sunday. It turns out, a grand total of none was the answer. 

Fortunately he had some "odd pairs" laying around that would give me in exchange for 14 roast dinners. Hmmm, sticks are about £10 a pair, I'm getting 3 and an average dinner is £10 

SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT DEAL!!!!

Actually it was just the one dinner so yeah it was a good deal. Didn't quite get what "odd pair" meant. It could have been 1 jazz stick and a double butt ended rock stick. 

It wasn't, it was just brands he doesn't normally use but they were all 5b weight, my preferred weight of stick. So it was perfect. 

The build up was a bit clammy, half band stand deal again which is always a bit tough because of the limitation of drums. But we were done by about 3:00. 

I met up with the old band and it was a little weird considering the last time I saw them all together was the last date of the tour in Jersey march this year. 

It was pretty awesome to see them all and thanks to Sean for sorting me out for some "odd" sticks!

Back at the theatre, meeting was held and spundcheck was a bit arduous with monitor levels and feedback Central going off all over the place, and I could feel the old band who were watching thinking, "thank fuck we aren't part of this anymore!" 

This was the venue that a no drinking policy was in place. So if any of the staff got a whiff that anyone was under the influence, we were not getting paid. 

Which soured the mood somewhat. 

The show went well and the addition of El Lurchio, a local sword swallower amonst other things, was added. Part of, but not limited to, his act was the downing, through his nose via a syringe, a whole bottle of milk shake coupled with a beer of an unsuspecting member the audience. The person in question was Steve Brundish, the old bass player. Once in his stomach, it was then siphened back out into the pint of Steve. Who was NOT happy about this at all... Understandably. 

You can fuck with a lot of a musicians shit but you don't fuck with their alcohol!!!

El Lurchio then drank it all back up. 

That's talent right there. 

Pull down done, goodbyes said to the old band and it was back to London via a hundred stops to drop everyone off ready for another Lyric appearance the following day. 

Kings Lynn corn exchange

Pretty much as soon as we left the travelodge in the morning, it was evident that the M1 was blocked southbound, a huge king sized spanner in the works in terms of getting to the theatre for 12pm. Quickly I was on hand with the God of Googlemaps to help find a way there which doesn't involve being stuck in traffic with faces like the ones every man sports when his spouse is trying on dress after dress trying to assess which one doesn't make her ass look big.... Sort of thing. 

The alternate route took us on safari but got us there for 12:45 so in the grand scheme of things, not as bad as it could have been. Especially as we heard on the radio that there was a 12 car pile up causing all three lanes to be closed on the M1, so if we'd taken that, we'd have got nowhere in a hurry. 

We build up pretty fast and was done by 3:30. There was a few things to do before I was done, namely take the radio receivers and the S16 stage box out of the media rack so that sound power doesn't connect to lighting power, limiting the likelyhood of buzzes and other nasty shit that lamps cause to sound. But instead I got Clayton to do it and I fucked off into town to pay my cheques in. 

I came back and did the meeting and sound check. My god it was a bitch today. No matter what I did I couldn't get the mics at a decent level without squealing through the monitors. At one point I lost my rag! In the end I had to take all the band out of the front monitors and just have enough of vocals for them to hear. It didn't sound good and I had to give Dan and Shannon, my mates who were coming to the show, a heads up. 

The first half went without incident and I met with him in the break. He actually said it didn't sound bad, not great but not bad. Just some comments about the main vocal being very middle heavy. 

Shannon on the other hand only commented that I looked like I was a reject from a Shakespeare play audition. Nothing about the show, nothing about the music, nothing about the lights... No, my fucking shirt and wastecoat, and why didn't I look cool and rock star as fuck as the rest of the band. 

Lovely!

Second half done it was fast with the pulldown. The truck developed a problem leaving it there while we drove away. We hoped it would by some miracle arrive at the theatre tomorrow at 12:00 and wouldn't fuck our routine up. Never mind poor Sean who had to stay in it for a second night. I joked that it's getting so much like home to him that he'll soon have photos of his kids on the walls and ornaments on display that his great uncle willy brought back from Tibet. 

Or something. 

Camberly theatre.

Well after what I said about the truck getting there for 12:00, yeah wasn't gonna happen as it was still fucked. Haze was on the phone all morning to Sean and various people regarding this and was very agitated to say the least. 

The truck was moving but slowly and having to stop every so often to bleed the breaks or something, the cause of the issue. It was expected to arrive at 3:00 so we were all instructed to go for lunch and come back for 3:00 and move like we had a purpose. 

Meanwhile I discussed with Haze and the inhouse crew what we'd do pa while to make it build up as quick as possible. Fortunately they has pretty decent pa installed so it was gonna be easy enough. 

I has lunch, came back and had a nap! 

Then the truck arrived. For the next two and half hours it was fucking chaos. It wasn't just because if the panic to get the show up with fact the stage was small with everyone clambering over each other like a load of clumsy cunts at a massive orgy, but because the show was sold out and demand was high for tickets. We could have probably done two nights here in fact. 

But we did it, at the meeting I was still plugging up drums, the last thing on my todo list. 

Professor and I shared the band stand which for depth purposes, we were using half of  Not since Kev and were in the band in 2004/05 has that happend. The two drummers between then wouldn't budge and so when the half band stand was used, the drums would stay centre and the keys, bass and guitars would be set up off it. Not today! 

Here's evidence. 

The show went okay, no fuck ups as such but paying a smaller kit proved a challenge on the band solos. Which because I didn't practice in the afternoon, I fucked up royally. Nice one Steve!

Pull down done and off to lodge we went. I dropped off Professor, Haze, Steph, Doug, Danny and got back to the lodge and got pissed with the others before bed. 

Shrewsbury Severn Theatre

I woke with a sense of "no matter how shit today gets, it can't get worse than yesterday!" But thankfully today was gonna be a stroll in the park in comparison. 

First up, I had to see if the theatre could loan or hire us a couple of radio systems for the show. Or at least know somewhere we could hire them. Fortunately they had some there compatible with our headset mics. Unfortunately they were gonna charge us £90 for them. Oh well it's that or no show. 

The venue itself was awesome. There were cable traps everywhere so the set was going to be really tidy by the end of the day. The stage was huge and there is an excellent load in. 

Build up was smoother than the day before and we were done by 3:30. So Clayton and I went into town for some lunch. After being sent from one pub that said "pub grub" by wasn't serving to another saying "pub food" but was also not serving several times, by the time I got to the Wetherspoons I thought fuck it, after all the calories I've spent just finding a fucking pub that serves food, I can afford to have a dessert now. 

After another enthralling conversation that centred around alcoholic demise, we went back to the theatre. Clayton got me dinner this time in return of the favour I did for him just a few days before. So I take it back he didn't thank me. 

The show went well and we packed down really quick.

There's been a major fuck up with accommodation, basically we've been booked into a place 130 miles out of the way of the next place. 

So 3 hours drive after the show and another 2 and a half the following morning at least. 

Crewe lyceum

This was a completely new theatre to us, I've never been here with any show. It was nice, it looked like a Matcham theatre, but I didn't verify this. 

(Just did, it's not a Matcham theatre) 

After working out how to place speaker stacks, whether to use any speaker stack at all even, we loaded stuff in and set about building the show. 

They had a cat 5 cable run in that they said it would okay to use. I'm sceptical of using other cat5 cables as I've NEVER got it working in the past, but my experience with digital snakes is limited to this, or similar, Behringer desk. 

And it didn't work here either. So after a lot of fucking about, we ran out cat5 cable and the desk and stagebox synced up. 

That was the START of the hassle. 

After putting all monitors where they're meant to go, powering up the band, last but not least, setting up my fucking drums! It was time to look at routing matrixes to their PA system. 

This is when it all turned to shit in my hands. 

A bloke, with shit in his hand. Sort of like me in Crewe Lyceum! 

The desk appeared to be fucked. Effects were no responding, faders no working, routing not functioning. Etc Etc. I persevered with it trying to assess WHAT THE FUCK for about 3 hours, rubbing my head and generally swearing a lot thinking how the fuck are we gonna get through the show. This is the only desk we have! 

I tried re initialised the settings, which only made it worse.  

Haze was notified on return from lunch and was not pleased. But no amount of "should haves" and "could haves" would have made any difference to the shit cake we found ourselves the icing on. 

Clayton suggested turning it off and then on again. I thought, "oh Jesus... What a stupid fucking suggestion... Pah!!" 

It only fucking worked didn't it?!? I felt an absolute twat for not thinking of that before. 

It was now 4:30

So with the desk now working it was time to sound check the show. First up, let's get mics working. I hunted about for the mic box every-fucking-where. After a call to Glen in the Lyric....

Yeah all the mics were left in fucking London weren't they?

This suddenly made it serious. We has no mics. No mics, no show. 

Fortunately the theatre did have some radio systems complete with mics and weren't dodgy about us using them. 

Thank The Lord of fuck for that. A fast sound check, the fastest I've ever done from behind the kit with and iPad controlling the deck on my lap, over. It was show time. 

We go through with no issues (save some crackle on haze's mic) packed down and got the hell out of dodge. 

On the journey home, I destroyed a couple of beers. It went down like cum to a whore and no messing. 

 A whore drinking cum... Sorta like me with that beer after the show. 

Lyric theatre show 3

BBack in the Lyric, again, for the third time.

I drove the mini bus to South Wimbledon tube dropped off every bugger and then met at Haze's gaff for 11:00, then we ourselves negated the tube network to Shaftesbury avenue. 

The usual deal of getting there for 12:00 hanging about for 2 hours and getting in at 2pm ensued. 

Lunch was held at Camden meat market where everyone had dirty ass burgers. All except me who had a salad.  But I did share some wings with professor who, despite the vat of ale consumed the night before, was not sporting a hangover. 

I felt a bit Christmassy and had some mulled wine that was being served outside Camden market. After I downed it (to get into the meat market) I regretted it. 

Back at the theatre, build up went as smooth as it had done the week before. Maybe more so because we'd saved the scene on the desk and left the Cat5 cable in. 

Had the usual hassle of mic squeals but that's usual these days with the level of vocal required thorough the monitors. 

I set the kit up differently this time. Don't know why, just fancied a change. Instead of having 3 toms across the front and a floor tom to the right, I deceived to have 2 toms to the left of the hihat and two toms to the right of the snare so all toms and snare are on the same plane. The rise cymbal goes right in front and crashes where ever I could put them. 

Here's a pic

My weird kit set up complete with Asia's skull to the left of it looking like it's sucking dick. 

It was fucking weird to play but it looked awesome. It made me play weird fills and fucked with my general flow, but the prospect of it looking cool out weighed the playability of it. For today, tomorrow il put it back.

The show went up, it was about as well sold as the week before and just after packing down the kit, haze and I went to collect the vans in Wimbledon. 

We got a call about 30 mins in saying they'd finished the pack up and we're waiting for us. Fuck that was fast!!! Beating last week's speed by 25 minutes. That's Sean's input on down that is right there. 

It would come at a cost but we were not to find out until the following day. 

A long drive ensued to Birmingham to stay then to Crewe for the next show.  

Croydon, day off and Professor's 25th... That ACTUAL 25th!

So having got up twice to put a ticket on the van, spending a tenner in the process and as a result only having a few hours sleep, it was up and get-the-fuck-outta-dodge time. Dodge in this case was Tolworth towers travelodge in Chessington (Deja vu dee from that time we drove everyone home and got in there at 7:00 am last tour?)

Having endured Andy's whining and the hectic Sunday traffic across London, we got there around 13:30. And I STILL had to put money on the van. I think it's high time I compile all my receipts of expenses so far to present to Haze tomorrow, it's well into the hundred pound mark. 

Not only that, but I seriously outdid myself with my parallel parking of the van into the only space available. This was accomplished with a 127 point turn, but I did it AND I didn't hit the curb nor cars in front or behind. Seriously, there's about a foot to spare on either end. 

We checked in and I moseyed into Croydon centre where apart from a fire in a pub (well supposedly as everyone was on the street and there were fire engines outside, seems there can be fire without smoke) not much seemed to be out of the norm. But I went and got me a new iphone. Having had to rely on everyone else's phone for the van trips, this urge to be self-sufficient promped me. 

Professor sent a Facebook message about meeting at 8:00 but the more I think about it, the more I feel I should be really vigilant and only have a couple, if any, because of the drive tomorrow morning across London to meet with Haze before the tube journey up to the west end. But I'll decide later..

I got back to the travelodge after seeing on the bbc that Swansea were down 2-0 after less than 30 mins played (which set my mood up lovely) to find a load of loose change (as opposes to loose stools) in the toilet. The phrase I often use, "shitting money" as in, "ever since Paris Hilton sucked someone's dick on the internet, she's been shitting money!" can be literally used here. Who's shit (or money) it is exactly remains to be seen. I would have to assume it's Daniel, one of the lighting techs, whom I'm sharing with momentarily. 

I went down to the bar around 18:00 hours to try and activate my new phone when professor walks in and offers me a beer, OKAY!! Didn't have to twist THAT arm!

Shortly after Doug and a few other turn up. Namely Steph 2 (aerialist) Zoe (singer) Matt Angelow (bass! but I think you know that already) Sergei (Russian wobbly wobbler) Vitali (Russian twisty bastard) and Micaela (sword balancer and Sergei's wife) a load of Apple Sourz shots later and it was into the town. Not before Doug manages to get my phone and take THIS picture. 

Doug's arse, yesterday

In town, Sam met with a load of his friends who seemed a little perplexed at us lot. More so Doug, who while pissed up, goes into extra camp/gay mode, and this was no exception. He managed to make to naturally heterosexual men feel somewhat confused about being second best in his attraction stakes. The first, who he said he'd like to have a relationship with felt a little put out that his brother was more attractive. His brother, thinking, why am I just good enough for a fuck?!

Shortly after, feeling pissed already and with the thought of having to get up at 8:00, YES to put a ticket on the Van, left and went home. I wasn't really enjoying, my mind was preoccupied with my playing seemingly getting worse as the tour goes on and having to deal with 12 or more hungover bastards the following morning, if I can get them all out of bed that is. 

Rotherham show two

After waking with a hangover large enough to be show up on the Richter scale, we painfully set about leaving the lodge to get to Rotherham and largely do fuck all for the day until meeting which was scheduled for 5:00 pm. 

There was a Rugby team in the services, Sheffield tigers or something. I think they're a league side and I cannot be arsed or care enough to search for them on google to verify this. As I was leaving, the biggest fucker I've ever met was coming the other way, so I held the door open for him, like you do and he said, "thanks" to which I replied, "no worries, you look like you could have used the help!" I was obviously joking and being friendly but he looked at me like I was on fire. I walked away quite briskly as avoid getting pummeled by this fucking beast of a man! 

Most of the afternoon was spent, well, doing this (blog) and hanging around. I moseyed into town bought professor some stuff for his birthday. They are as follows:

1 x Bottle of Jim Beam (always come in handy... Never can have too much alcohol) 

1 x bag of dates, because I heard him say he's not had one in while. 

2 x small nuts, because I am of the opinion he doesn't have a pair. 

Lovely Jim Beam

Some dates, yesterday

Bollocks! 

Then it was meeting time, lots of points were made and we rehearsed Sean's knife throwing and whip act. The rehearsal went pretty smooth, when it happened in the show not so much!  

I've made a rod for my own back with a double bass drum pattern that's not hard to play but hard to play at that length. I practiced it in the day and felt confident I'd nail it in the show. NOT! Legs tired by the 16th bar and I found myself fumbling all over it and getting really upset that I couldn't do it. I could of course simplify it but that would be admitting defeat and I am far from doing that yet. 

Pull down was really quick and we were outta there by about 11:15. I drove one of the vans to the travelodge in Chessington via Asia and Helmuts house and then Zoe's house. After many a wrong turn we didn't get in until gone 4:00. I had the pleasure of having to get up again 3.5 hours later to put a ticket on the van. Fucking London... Travelodges all over the country have free parking. Not here. The ones that have, charge you through the fucking nose. Never liked this city and as time goes on, the more congested and rip off it becomes the more it fuels my distain. I'd happily fuck it off, but the show comes here and I have no choice other than to leave the tour. 

"Sorry haze, I'm not coming on tour because I fucking hate London!" A shittest of reasons I'm sure most would agree, so I swallow it for the good of the show. Yeah, I'm good like that. 

During the journey, Clayton spoke briefly about how he'd recently (June this year) lost his wife and home through her long battle with alcoholism. After she drank away the mortgage and her life, he now is living with his cousin. You could tell this was something very very difficult for the guy and the fact he just wanted to share that with me at such an auspicious occasion as driving the cast to London overnight is something he only knows the reason to. I had heard he'd recently gone through some tragedy and god I felt for the guy (What was that bit I said earlier about never having too much alcohol?!) 

Day off tomorrow and another piss up in the name of professor's ACTUAL birthday. Not that fake one we had the other day. 

Oh my head and liver hurt already!