Lyric theatre, London. (Sang like Europe) "It's the final Lyriiiic"

It's fucking typical that the final show before Christmas would start as a stress fest for me. 

The predicament I had was having to collect the drums, after pull down and traipsing my way to Wimbeldon and back in time so that they're not left on the pavement in the rain for me. As it was the last one, as soon as it could be achieved, everyone was going to be scuttling off across London in separate directions after pull down. I was never going to be able to set the drums down, get my car and back before this. I didn't manage last time but it wasn't so bad as I had Matt and Da looking after the drums on the side of the street until I arrived. Not today! I had to devise a new plan. 

This consised of parking the car a lot closer to the theatre but still outside the congestion zone. As parking inside that inner sanctum is upto and over £35 for a day!! Fucking London and its ripoff culture. 

Soon to come:

Actually entering the congestion by foot - £2 per person

Talking in public - £5 per day upto 5 people - £1 per every extra one thereafter. 

Breathing that lovely London air - £3.50 per person per day. 

Prices are subject to change without prior notice you fucking mugs. 

Maybe. 

Anyway, a mate of mine suggested an industrial park just outside because "it's free all day and you won't get booked or clamped" Not according to the fucking signs mate! This was after I had got there. I drove around for ages and ages trying to find exactly where "free all day and you won't get clamped or booked" was. After lots of swearing, I eventually struck a deal with a guy who assured me I'd be okay to park outside his unit for the day. I assured him it would only be for today. He seemed cool and I walked away hoping I'd come back to it later and it won't have been impounded. 

The 1.5 mile walk to the nearest tube followed and the the journey to Piccadilly Circus. The Piccadilly Circus of horrors. 

When I arrived I was an hour and a half late, but 30 minutes in time for the build up. No one questioned me, in particular Haze. He did enquire about my parking arrangement which I explained my hassle. No more was said. 

And so it was down to build up, in the pissing rain. What a way to go out on. I took enough pa stuff in as to get starting with routing power and got on with it. We were done in just over two hours which was nice! 

The posse Angelow (chris, Claire, Suzanne, Rhian) were up for this show as it was Suzanne birthday and they'd figure a trip up the smog to see a west end show, a great way to see in her 40th. I spent mine in Gendros, I wished I'd thought a little bit bigger on times. 

The show went really well, probably the best I think the band sounded and played. Though I did lose the top of my stool, between the Birmingham show and this one, which wasn't so good. I sneaked behind into the thriller set to borrow one of the stools that band use hoping no one would notice. THEY DID! And I expect that Haze will get a letter/email of complaint soon who will then come to me about it. 

The pull down was fast, though we all got soaked, and we got out of the theatre in the nick of time. One minute over and the show would be charged £300 for extra staff hours. Even though that extra staff generally don't do a fucking thing to help. They just stand/sit around occasionally saying we can't do something or other. Again, fucking rip off London!!! 

I decided to leave the drums in the lorry and collect them on the way home from Southampton the following afternoon. I was going there to visit Dee who was in on the Arcadia for the day and would be travelling via Swindon home that night. By luck, the truck is stored there all over Christmas. 

And that's pretty much how it all went down mother fuckers. 

Hope you enjoyed reading this tour blog as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

See you all in January for London After Midnight tour part 2....

Anyone?

Birmingham Start city in the Moscow State Circus big top

Having got up and bummed a fag off one of the travelodge staff, we were on our way. 

After an hour or so we were there. It looked the same size tent as Gerry Cottle's but once in there, oh my it was pretty apparent it was on a different scale. 

We used their band stand instead of ours. It's well constructed and went together pretty easy but after a glance, it was gonna be a right royal pain in the arse area getting the keys and drums up to the platform and then setting them up. And then to have to strip it all and bring down afterwards. But with a little three man organisation, it was achieved. But it was still a royal king size pain in the arse. 

It also wabbled like fuck too when I was playing. Also worsened by professors rocking back and forth! 

Again I didn't get a lunch break! I did manage to grab me a Subway when I had a minute. 

Meanwhile, somewhere else, the rest of the band were enjoying oriental buffet and a spot of 10 pin blowing for dinner. 

Moscow State Circus (Of Horrors) 
Behind the TVs is where you'd find me and professor come show time. 

Forward of the ringside. You may not get a feel for the size by mark my words, it's fucking BIG!!!

After the meeting and sound check, I tried to find a pub. I didn't but this was after wandering around with my phone out-stretched, following googlemaps. That's the second time in a week it's sent me somewhere that didnt exist. So I came back and got stuck into my vodka with a couple of diet cokes I got from a mcdonalds. 

Our dressing room was a tent, most of us were packed in there getting ready, myself with my bottle of diet coke (with an amount of vodka in it) until show time. 

Again, another well sold show. The figures estimate over 800 so we were looking forward to ripping it up tent stylee. 

Parking Patawayo got me again! And Stephanie Randelle got nailed too. And by which I mean, she got a ticket. Not what you were thinking!!!

HUBBA HUBBA!!!

Like I thought, packing the kit was a bastard. I figured it would be quicker to throw stuff off the top on to the bed prop to save time. 

It did too! 

Unfortunately not everything could have followed that path. Prof's keys were way to heavy for someone to catch on the rebound. Plus I don't think the keys themselves would have survived even the mattress from that hight. 

Packed down and still pissed off (about another ticket) it was off to London to drop off Prof and then make our merry way to Croydon for the last time before Christmas in lieu of the last Lyric show, and show in general for 2013. 

I was so fucked by the time I got to oxford that I simply had to just pull into a services to get 40 wanks. 

I mean winks!!!

After what I thought was 5 - 10 minutes of nap time, I started up the car and headed off. After looking at the clock it was revealed that I'd stopped for over an hour. 

What a difference it made, I drove away feeling absolutely fine. Helped along by a Starbucks professor so very kindly bought me as a thank you for taking him home. 

As he would say all too often but without the hint of sarcasm, 

"YOU'RE WELCOME!"

Bristol temple quay (in Gerry Cottle's circus tent)

Tonight's show will mark as my debut into a circus tent. 

Oh, wait.. I forgot about Waken 2010 with this show. 

Scrap what I was about to say. 

Today marks the second time I'll be playing in a tent. 

Hang on, we did 2 shows in Waken. 

Fuck, okay. 

Tonight's show is a break from the norm of theatres and town halls etc, we are in a Circus tent. The circus of horrors in a circus tent, who'd have thought? 

Well the people that booked us, that's who! It was an addition as the original toe dates didn't have this one on the schedule. Then it was discussed a week ago and then I thought, "hang on, what what what?!?" I only took a gig in at home a month ago didn't it. So I had to quickly tell that band I was unavailable and hopefully they'd not be too pissed. 

We got here at 10:15 am. But wasn't able to begin setting up until after 12:00 because of some Tv, and I don't mean transvestite, stuff that was going on with Gerey Cottle's circus in the morning. Suffice as to say, I was thinking of the couple of more hours in bed I could have had. Still, at least we were all here to start when we could have. 

Being in a tent proves a lot of challenges to do a show which has been plotted out for theatres stages. A rearrangement of the band was the biggest one, pa positioning and monitors another. I guess there were many others but not being directly involved in that I cannot comment. I know we had to rehearse the bringing on and taking off of props from different directions from theatre stages, so I suppose as far as the show was concerned, that was a the biggest of things to be concerned about. As for me, I plays the drums and set the pa up (albeit with a bit of head scratching) and I was done. 

Us in Gerry Cottle's tent. 

I spent most of the build up in a puddle. The drum riser was placed in a dip where a fuck load of water had collected over the few nights. After a while I felt like this:

A bit like me. But without the holding of the dick and pissing bit. 

Time was not on my side and so I didn't get out for lunch before meeting. But that was okay, somedays it's like that so there's no point moaning about it. 

Like I said, the meeting was held (an hour earlier) to discuss the rearrangement of show stuff. 

After an hour it was soundcheck time. And I was quite shocked how reverberant  a tent is. It's almost as much as some of these town halls we play with stone walls and such. All fx was muted to try and clean up vocals. But nothing I did made it so, it sounded like a massive spring reverb was inserted into the master mix. 

Not giving that much of a fuck, I just went with it. 

Prior to the show, the band and I went for a beer in a bar/cabin type thing which had seemingly been erected for Gerry's circus starting a few days later. I might be wrong, but I did have a feel of being thrown up fasto! The band were in full costume and normally this would raise eyebrows but not today as the bar was occupied by other such like dressed individuals coming to see the show. I presume anyway, perhaps they were just normal folk dressed as they would on any other day. 

The show was well sold and the atmosphere was pretty electric. Show went well and I came away having enjoyed playing in a tent looking forward to the short drive into Wales..... And then back again to get to Severn View services travelodge which was situated on the westbound carriage way. 

Fucking google maps doesn't route the service bridge does it? It wasn't I saw the tolls that I realised what was happening. 

I got Da to text someone in the minibus to warn of my error and to not make the same one themselves. Thus saving Haze £12 or something. 

I'm all heart me. 

Lyric show 7

After a mental weekend of gigs that took me to Bognor Regis, Minehead and Treboeth (an area of Swansea) via LLANELLI!!!.... It was time to cart mine and the Angelow's hairy and smelly arses back up the smog. I've seen more of the m4 than a hitchhiker with a particular craving for jellied eels... Whatever that means. Basically, I've seen A LOT of it and today was gonna be more of the same. 

7:30 was when I arrived at casa de Angelow and Matt was up and ready to leave bang on time. I had a tight schedule to meet the truck at Heston services to off load all our shit so there was no margin for fucking about. 

DA was gonna travel up by train as he had a prior engagement. 

The little shit only sent a text later on in the journey saying he'd blagged himself a first class seat. So it was champagne and caviar for him while Matt and I slummed it in my car up the M4 with Gingsters sarnies and cans of Relentless carrying HIS shit... And ours too of course! Hope you joke on your complimantaries there DA!

DA in first class, yesterday. 

We met with the truck with no time to spare. I couldn't have planned it better if I was Hanibal Smith. 

Hanibal Smith, he loves it he does! I mean, when a plan comes together. 

With Costell in my car also, we negated our way to Wimbeldon to park the car outside Haze's and tube it to Shaftesbury  avenue. 

En route it was revealed to us that where our gear was placed in the back of the truck caused MAJOR FUCKING PROBLEMS (OH MY) to getting out the fake wheel clamps.

Tough shit! There was nowhere else to put it so fucking deal with it!

Sergei, having seen a shit load of band gear near the door automatically thought that there'd been a tumble in transit. 

Just thought I'd mention it. Suppose that's not really that funny is it? You'd have to have been there!

Build up was done in super fast time and I would have been in the lyric pub just outside stage door if I'd been for the fact I'd had left my PSU for my 2box brain at home.

The 2box drumit five brain that for whatever reason runs on AC and not DC power!

A frantic rush to find and electrical store where they'd stock an AC adaptor was conducted. 

Maplin, you savior for plights such as this. But why do you insist on employing nerds and fans of Dr Who/Dungeons and Dragons/World Of Warcraft? The like who's only female sexual experiences is limited to left-handed-websites. 

This was the first hit on a "Maplin's employee" search in Google, no shit!! 

EXTERMINATE!!!

I bet the RS components catalogue gives these geeks semis. 

Oooh.... You SLUT!!!

Anyway, thank you! 

*Nerdy sound alert spoiler*

I did have a contingency plan already formulated in the event that an AC PSU wasn't found before soundcheck. That was to use channel 1 for kick, 2 for snare and the over heads as normal but instead of rolling them off at 300 hz and panning them 9 and 3 o'clock, roll off at 75hz and dip the high shelve at about 6khz to a gradual 3db per octave, depending on how that sounded of course. The idea being to pick more tom toms than cymbals. I've mic'd a kit like this once before and it worked fine. 

But I didn't need to, I found an AC PSU. I also didn't need to bore you with all that fucking bollocks too did I?

Not just that. It turns out that one of my Ddrum triggers, which have been systematically failing, was unusable unless repaired. So out came the soldering iron and my temper. 

As you can probably see, both primary and secondary transducers had broken. The boast about rugged housing and professional connections but the core element is as upto the task as a bolsa wood rollercoaster ride. 

A stern email was sent during the meeting. It wasn't polite!!!

Thankfully with the stress of the PSU and the fucked trigger, soundcheck was easy. 

A quick pint in the lyric and it was show time. My mate Pete (who I gig in the blur tribute band with sometimes) came to the show. I got him in 2 minutes before curtain up. I could have changed into my gig clothes faster if they were a onesie!!!

Show went well, I played pretty sloppy on times, aaaargh, pull down!

Long ass drive back to Wales. I didn't get in until 5:00 where I looked and felt like this. 

Lyric Theatre show 6 post build up

After finishing the build up in pretty fast time, I managed to get out of the theatre for something to eat, as I'd not eaten in the afternoon with the band but rather opted for a large Pironi. 

Jonnie James, my old ship band mate and one time dep on the circus of horrors last year was about so I met up with him and invited him into the meeting where everyone was very happy to see him. The meeting was conducted fast, some tosh about next week's travel arrangements was discussed and it was straight into the soundcheck. 

Thankfully we were not burdened with the hassle we had yesterday in Gravesend and so it went fast. I did however decide to make a makeshift stand for the electric pad that I had taken the stand for back home having not thought it out that well. I did try to not use the pad in Gravesend but for the most part it okay. But the song (which name escapes me right now, not bad.. it's only been 5 weeks on the road) which I use the loop for sounded so empty without it that I was gonna try anything to mount the pad so I could fire it. 

This is what my genius of a mind came up with. 

Basically, it's my drum pedal case with LX tape... That's pretty basic. But it worked a fucking charm. I wonder now why I bothered with a stand at all. 

Pre-show, Jonnie and I went for a beer in a nearby pub where he said the musos from Dirty Dancing come regularly as their sort of local (to the theatre they're in anyway) None showed up on this occasion.  As John Blackburn was also coming to the show with Jonnie (another respected drummer) I didn't want to drink to much as I wanted to be on top of my game for the show. I was, kinda. Only my inner demons prevented me from playing as well as I think I can. 

Still, I think I played okay in the grand scheme of things which is always good. 

There seemed to be a lot more in this week than other weeks, they had the circle and gallery open, though sparsely attended. I think they were a decent crowd too, lots of squirming and looking away going on which is a decent sign that people are being repulsed with what's going on stage-side. 

During the interval, I met again with Jonnie, and also John Blackburn, for a quick drink across the road in a lovely, but very small, pub called The Lyric. 10 or more people inside and you're walking about the place, to the shitter or whatever making crab impressions and such like. 

Back to the theatre it was time for second half and then the pull down.

As I was taking Da and Matt home to Swansea, I had to set the kit down fast, repeatedly tell people not to take any of it to the truck, because I was going home, and set off to Wimbledon to pick up my car. 

I got back there about an hour and 20 minutes late to find that everyone had fucked off, the truck, the whole cast leaving Matt, Da and a fuck load of shit to cram into my car at the stage door. 

With is crammed to fuck (miracle it all got in) they playfully informed me of a game they were playing to pass the time. As the Lyric theatre is situated next to a strip club, the game was to guess who was going inside before they were near, and out of them, which ones would be refused entry. I don't know what was the points system or what, if any, was the prize. Nor for that matter, which one of them won. 

Apparently, anyone female and white accompanied with anyone male and black, went in, barr none! At least during the time they were sat with all of our shit waiting for me. 

The drive home was generally okay but my god, what is it with London and pointless road works and road closures at the moment? Seriously, I drove past, and was diverted as a result most the time, at least 10 sets of road work where there was about a mile of cones, 2 lanes closed to find toward the end of it, about 3 guys digging a hole, and that's if there was anyone doing any work at all! A little bit of over kill don't you think?

En route to Swansea Da recited countless Profanisaurus entries keeping us all amused. And then slept for the most of it having sunk enough Ale to shame Father Jack. Sadly, Matt's ass didn't sleep or even take a break. He was polite though, every time a window was lowered with no warning or explanation, you'd hear him say, "Sorry!" and genuinely sound like he meant it every time. 

I dropped them off at 3:30 and got home myself about 3:45, got into bed by 4:00 and polished off my vodka. I think I was asleep by 5:00 I think?

Last night at the Lyric. I am there, honest!

Lyric show 6 pre build up.

Well today started shit! After waking and walking a mile to collect the car, taking to the travelodge and putting a ticket on it, the max you could (2 hours) I still got a fucking ticket from Parky Pataweayo (A character from the Harry and Paul tv show) 

My own fault though. I went to get a sandwich (because I was bastard starving) and the woman in Gregg's worked at 2 speeds. Slow and stop! Suffice as to say when I got back to the car, the ticket was being made. Parky was nice though and not a smug arrogant cunt like you'd expect, "I'm sorry sir, I've already printed it!" And he seemed genuine in his sympathy for me. 

That's a lovely £40 gone. All because of a fucking slow cow who was as confused with a cash register as Doris, the Alzheimer's sufferrer at any old peoples home.. somewhere, with a laptop computer trying to boil an egg. 

Right, one ham roll, one coffee... £4.75 er, she's given me a £10 note... So.... That's... Er, £76.25 change?!? 

No, nothing to do with me at all, it was all her! Yes siree!

After that I took my car to Haze's, 15 minutes behind schedule and was greeted by what I can only describe as a round man at Haze's door. I'm not shitting you, you could roll this fucker about the place and it would be like one of them balls you see kids in on lakes in theme parks and shit. I wouldn't normally take the piss out of something like that if it wasn't for the following. 

"Your late!" It quipped. Who's this fat cunt to talk to me like that? I've ever met him before, and I'd remember! Still I was polite and thought of the bigger picture: this guy is waiting for me to give me a parking permit for the day and is probably someone important to Haze... So don't even think about calling him what a dog wouldn't lick Steve! And I didn't. But this did further my mood!

The dude at Haze's... Sort of. 

I felt like Mike Strutter after taking some of his Viaggro pills. 

"Spill my drink will you? You mother fucker!!!" 

Then it was off to South Wimbeldon tube station to make my way to Piccadilly Circus. I was already pre empting the "where have you been?!" scenarios in my head. 

Gravesend - woodville halls

Thank fuck we didn't have to load in until 2:00 pm. After getting in from Brecon last night I hardly slept. Again with the sleep hassle, and I was in my own bed too! 

I got to Matt and Da's at the scheduled time and set off after a quick fag and chat with Chris and Claire (their mam and dad) who'd come to the show last night. 

The air inside the car en route to gravesend was turned from a refreshing Sunday inhale to a violent wretch frequently on account of Matt's ass, which was single handedly making it thicker than a Jamaicans dick. 

Not wanting to be left out, I added my own unique flavour late on. 

We got there 25 minutes late...

DUN DUN DAAAAAAANN!!

The crime of it! 

Show still got built up in record time of 2:15 minutes. I was off out of there fast as fuck to avoid someone who'd bore me more than a book of Victorian Railing designs. 

Back at the theatre soundcheck was about as easy as resiting the Russian alphabet backwards whilst walking a tight rope. It was harder than a Kenyan's dick on ladies night. 

I don't know for sure what the issue was, probably the fact their pa was REALY hot and therefore causing all sorta of feedback. I fiddled with monitor mixes eq, channel eq. I was scratching my head for a lot of it but eventually got it somewhere near okay. Fuck, I hate it when these days happen!

Due to the prolonged soundcheck, there was no pub time prior to the show. 

Just before show, vitali found a costume in the dressing room and just had to put it on. 

Here's the proof. 

As for the show, it went okay but during pull down I heard Haze talk about things that went wrong. Nothing to do with the band or music so gave a fuck I did not!

Well a little... But nothing that I could do anything about. 

It was nice to be driving away in my car and not have to slum it, like I had been this last five weeks, in one of the mini busses with the rest of the riff raff. 

Riff raff

We got into Croydon travelodge waaaaay before anyone else and got stuck into the bar. 

As it was the last time we'd have a chance this side of Christmas, it would be rude not to wouldn't it?

Another Lyric appearance tomorrow.